A quick note about my cell phone. It’s a Samsung Galaxy S6. I’ve had it for about three weeks now, and as far as I can tell, it doesn’t spontaneously combust. Maybe it does. Again, I’ve had it a little more than three weeks. But in that time, I’ve protected my phone against intrusion.

I’m paranoid about losing it or having it fall in the wrong hands and then people getting a peak inside my world. Not that it’s that cool, mind you, but because there’s a lot of sensitive material in email and documents and, you know, texts. That’s how I communicate, I’d say, 80 percent of the time.

So without giving away trade secrets, I have something like 700 numbers and email addresses in my contacts folder and only a few names. Those are necessities, like utility companies and restaurants and customer service for airlines, hotels and rental car companies, so on and so forth. But I promise you if you do find my phone, you’ll never be able to find a number for Bob Huggins or Dana Holgorsen or Red Panda or Erick Elliott.

I take that back. You’ll find the number, but unless you recognize that number, you’ll never know whose it is. All the identities — the names with numbers — are hidden in an area I can access because I know how to access it. It’s like “Stranger Things.” Everything exists in the upside down.

This is a long way of saying I never know who is texting me during games and I’m interchangeably sorry about and jealous of what a few of you experienced Saturday.  I judge wisely, as if nothing ever surprises me. Texting between two pillars of ivory. My edits are in [brackets].

10:40:
Why is Wolfman wearing a tuxedo? 

11:41:
Random Gameday Observation; A football stadium in a race track is the most SEC thing that’s ever SEC’d.

11:41:
Other Gameday Observation; Pitt can still eat [stuffing], but James Conner is that dude. Respect.

11:47:
Saw Tressel in a polo and not a sweater vest. But as he walked toward the press box, someone yelled, “That wasn’t pass interference.” Cold!

11:48
*Gold! But also cold!

12:09:
You’ll find out later but QB1 didn’t practice all week. Crest got a ton of reps and looked good, might play early.

12:41:
Chasing down a rumor that there’s a real penguin in the Blue Lot.

1:32:
FYI: 5 years ago today waa the first beer i bought at mtneer field!

1:34:
Perfection is when you arrive at your seat in this heat and your BFF hands you a cold one and says, “I got you this because buying 2 was as easy as buying 1.”

1:37:
Re: Real penguin. False alarm. It’s a nun. Is it wrong to be [piqued]?

1:40:
How I know season ticket sales are down: three rows of high school kids who are youngstown state fans just sat in front of us. Ive sat here 13 years and this has never happened.

1:40:
Omg wait. These kids are west virginia fans. FROM ONTARIO CANADA. WTF?!

1:41:
They played a football game against a team in Lancaster, OH and are here because they wanted to see a college game

1:47:
It’s too damn hot for a penguin

1:48:
Youngstown State fans behind me: “Everyone here is so nice. It is the opposite of everything I’ve ever heard.”

1:54:
Ready for some footbawwwll!!!! Pitt-PSU was over in 5 minutes, let’s hope same for WVU-YSU

1:57:
These Canadians love this [sport]

2:04:
The rows in front of us are filling with some HS kids from Hamilton, Ontario. I’ve already asked the abt horse heart tartare and Sidney Crosby. They are

2:04:
not impressed.

2:05:
Aaaaaand some [jack-o-lantern] in a Donald Trump tank top just sat next to me. This is not cool. The Canadians laughed at him.

2:05:
130 degree heat index on the field? Maybe they should’ve installed hockey ice instead.

2:07:
So damn hot out here! Dude beside me keeps brushing his long hair with a pink brush…but hey…at least he’s a Mountaineer fan!

2:07:
Ohmygod. The Trump fan is a YSU fan. I may die.

2:08:
And he stinks.

2:08:
Well they don’t call him “Dur-hands” do they

2:08:
About those flying farmed mangos….

2:08:
So much for getting JD started

2:08:
There’s the Durante tip to defender I was worried about

2:08:
FUFMFE

2:09:
Aw, there’s is an obnoxious guy in our row cheering for YSU. We’re gonna have to deal with this.

2:12:
7NA for Youngstown first drive ugh

2:14:
If I murder a YSU fan can Olivia Pope clean it up for me?

2:16:
Late arriving because my friend tried to slip some beers in and got caught. He refused to throw them away. Four shotguns later, we’re here.

2:17:
five minutes of back where we started

2:20:
So many Whites of West Virginia, easy to get them confused

2:24:
Had some serious QB envy watching Louisville last night.

2:24:
Great series!

2:24:
No wonder Brad Paisley is such a big Kinney fan.

2:27:
Penguins schooling Gibby

2:27:
Did we forget to practice?

2:28:
Picking on 13 again. Bo watches film

2:33:
so announcer has to announce “its third down” plus bells?

2:36:
ten minutes of back where we started

2:36:
Now there are overly pretentious women doing the most for the dance cam sitting beside me…sigh…I can’t win! Lol! #ItsTooDamnHotForThis

2:36:
Dana’s talking to Crest. This might happen right here.

2:36:
blue FUFMFE

2:37:
How healthy is Skyler…really?

2:39:
Holy Ka’raun!!!

2:40:
Man that looked like Kevin. Nice to see Ka’Raun make plays.

2:40:
still no red zone issues. TD

2:45:
Why did the [jealous] Trump supporting YSU fan next ro me just boo the kickoff kid?! Who does that?

2:48:
13!

2:48:
Ummmm. How is there a call when we were 3 feet away?

2:49:
Big 12 gonna throw all over this d. No coverage, no pressure, no chance.

2:50:
how come FCS schools can find 6-3 guys who can pitch it?

2:55:
… the day TFGD got political.

2:55:
These [aardvarks] are booing our hall of fame inductees.

2:56:
This is getting pathetic

2:58:
no red zone issues for YSU

3:02:
Oh. My. God. The Trump supporting YSU [jerks] are trying to start a “Build that wall!” chant. Wonder how these Canadians feel.

3:02:
Making lewd hand gestures in his crotch area in a little kid’s face was my limit

3:05:
16 minutes of back where we started

3:05:
How cliche is this half [addled] performance so far?

3:08:

 

3:12:
Big 12 officials are as epic as ever!

3:12:
Non-Football fans who are friends of mine should not be allowed to schedule their kids birthday party’s on game days. Grrrrre

3:12:
Defense suuuuuuuuucks

3:12:
our D looks unprepared

3:12:
Dana might get fired early after all.

3:12:
Btw, I agree with Mack about that [goofy] 3rd Down bell

3:13:
If this was #NFLHardKnocks…someone would be escorting #22 to coach’s office. #ItsCutDownDay

3:14:
Starting to think Crawford is just an acronym for Perlo

3:15:
Security cant do anythong but ask them to calm down a bit because they have “had some complaints.”

3:15:
sucking on all three sides of the ball

3:15:
Is there a 4th side of the ball we can win?

3:18:
I might need to go for a walk

3:24:
Neither line looks NAIA worthy

3:31:
Thats it. I just went and got security.

3:31:
Mike. This guy wont stop. He makes me hate Ohio more. I hate him so hard.

3:31:
Which has only made him worse.

3:31:
He just threw his beer and it hit one of the Canadians. I have lost my [suave].

3:31:
Still would like to see some power play. Gonna need it

3:33:
Bulger not a homer

3:34:
Jersey Dad behind me regulated. I love Jersey Dad.

3:37:
MAC handing it to KU and down to the wire with Pokes. No CFP this year Big 12! [Feverishly] add Houston now!

3:45:
Gonna pause this to use the restroom and throw some ice in the drink for the Inevitable End-of-Half Head-Scratcher

3:50:
Who plays for a FG against Penguins?

3:50:
well that sucks

3:50:
[Football] [stuff]. Brutal. Just [flagrantly] brutal.

3:50:
Ima let you finish but we threw a bubble screen on a free down. That’s some good [strategy].

3:50:
I’m not panicking…I’m not packing…I’m not panicking….

3:51:
I remember what I felt like the first time I scored and I feel like WVU experiences a similar panic when it gets inside the 20.

3:53:
Omg. [Jilted] Trump supporting YSU fan is trash talking the Pride of WV. I cannot deal.

3:59:
Now I’m hearing the nun is doing a keg stand. So it wasn’t a penguin and I’m guessing she’s not a nun.

4:01:
I’m sleeping this off in the second half and no one better get mad because our team slept in the first half.

4:17:
When did Root Sports change to public access TV? This halftime show is awful!

4:17:
Looks like Joe Montana out there

4:17:
FUFMFE

4:18:
oh no red zone

4:18:
Nearly a 100+ yard pick 6

4:18:
CIRCLE THAT!

4:18:
Bolivia

4:18:
Bolivia!

4:19:
BOLIVIA!!

4:20:
I envision Mack in his library, seated in a soft leather chair and wearing a smoking jacket cursing the fade.

4:25:
AD Lyons just said they did some Rippin and Tearin on broadcast…. brilliant!!!

4:27:
Defense looks unprepared for the option.

4:28:
Good thing they can’t catch, O or D

4:39:
Who needs Hatfields?

4:44:

 

4:44:
red zone well no holding

4:45:
Iffy hold.

4:45:
still a thing

4:46:
Dana looks extra pissed! Don’t blame him though…gotta be smarter about these penalties. We are beating ourselves.

4:53:
f the red zone. score from long

4:54:
Red zone, schmed zone. We’ll just throw it in from 50+

5:00:
Police officer just made the [jabroni] leave. Our section is so happy. Another YSU fan up here confirmed it all for the officer.

5:14:
Even considering the competition level, I thought this was one of Skyler’s best games.

5:17:
It’s kind of amazing that WVU had never lost to an FCS team when you think of all the teams that have.

5:32:
21 yard TD pass. outside red zone

5:32:
HCDH will count it

5:41:
Crest tape on pinkey. from throwing it with Chugs?

5:45:
Ballgame, maggle. Let’s check in on our Entertainment Purposes Only friends…

7:15:
Another YSU fan to is at the end of the game: “I just want to apologize on behalf of Youngstown State. We aren’t all like that guy.”

7:15:
Me: “Its ok, buddy. We have [jaundiced] fans, too.”