It’s getting harder and harder to make it through the texts from game day, which is to say it’s getting too easy to thumb off these texts. They’re too good. Saturday when close to as expected, with one or two not-insignificant deviations. WVU was never threatened by Kansas and mostly strolled to a 33-14 win. I say “mostly” because, well, Mario Alford is really fast, but also because the Mountaineers kind of slipped and stumbled throughout the second half and did not play with the sort of authority that was somewhat expected based on the results of their first four games.

Then again, Kansas had four games for us to learn from. Its defense is as was advertised and did well to complicate matters for the Mountaineer, who got the looks and did the things they wanted on offense, but were also frustrated by the way the Jayhawks matched. That’s probably worrisome, and that much, among many other things, is clear in the texts.

This heats up as the first half clock ticks down and then locks in on particular targets and at predictable points thereafter. Like I said, close to as expected.

I misplace my texts everytime I be zee’d up. I was caught puttin Christmas trees up, and it was Easter. My edits are in [brackets].

3:35:
Swear i just saw joe mazzula selling wool hats

3:48:
This game already doesn’t feel right.  I miss the weeble king.

3:50:
Do the circle!

4:07:
GAM gets it going

4:08:
Fox announcer really impressed with Shelton Gibson on that long pass

4:13:
Regional cable means anthropomorphic fast food bag ads, I guess…

4:13:
Without Charlie, the Jayhawks look better fed.

4:28:
Is there a rule that we can’t throw it to White in the red zone?

4:28:
No spy on this QB?  Really?

4:28:
WVU facing interim coaches 100 pounds lighter than their predecessors a sterling 6-0-1 all time versus the spread

4:39:
KW has an end zone problem.

4:39:
Is Dana going to keep denying they have a “score  zone” problem?

4:42:
Lambert going for a Bironas. The 8 FGs, not the alleged drunken rampage.

4:42:
What’s become of Team Goforit today?

4:42:
Nice groin cam by fox sports.  Works even better with KU’s white pants.

4:42:
Announcers slandering Wikipedia for erroneous age for KU coach. You’re next, Friendster!

4:44:
Lambert, GAK?

4:44:
Given the recent retirement of Red Panda, may I suggest the WVU kickoff coverage team for your halftime entertainment

4:44:
How did we lose to this garbage outfit last year?

4:46:
I’m Tony Sinclair.  Are you ready to Tonkery?

4:47:
Natch, a WVU penalty resets their punter.

4:47:
Way to lose 30 yards of field position….sheesh!

4:48:
Wait, Wait, did Jordan catch a kick?

4:51:
Give Mario a gold coin for blocking edge on that Shell run

4:52:
Kansas’ strategy: Wear out our place-kicker!

4:59:
Obviamente, Kevin Blanco es mas macho.

5:05:
Technical difficulties, brought to you by Root sports.

5:08:
And the law of averages results in a good fair catch.

5:08:
And now the broadcast is out due to a “natural solar event” Un-f—ingbelievable

5:08:
DeFore__!!

5:08:
DeForest!!

5:08:
That was amazing despite the flag

5:09:
Not GAK.

5:12:
Is there anybody in the country as [bad] at their job as Defore__?

5:12:
KJ almost broke Cozart.

5:13:
Cozart’s hurting. Page Dr. Duffy!

5:13:
TV saying Kansas must throw the ball with alacrity.  Raftery wants his material back.

5:14:
So Root said there was a solar flare or something.  Is civilisation still intact?

5:14:
If I’m Cozart, I’m calling it a day at the half. Why risk bodily harm with this outfit?

5:16:
new halftime idea: trivia show called What the Shell?

5:31:
Shorts makes a TALL catch

5:32:
Salute your Shorts!

5:32:
The long and Shorts of it was that it was incomplete

5:33:
Where’s a solar flare when you need one?

5:34:
Kansas secondary commits a penalty every [football] play

5:34:
Mario shows his afterburner

5:34:
History’s most obvious horse collar.

5:35:
Next time on Dana Trashes Alford: Dana trashes Alford for getting tickled at the 1.

5:35:
[Fuzz]! Tackled. Not tickled.

5:36
Mack will argue with your 40 time on that 39 yd catch.

5:39:
KJ Dillon just went crowdsurfing on that 3rd down play.

5:41:
They should play Requiem on third down, because Cozart.

5:42:
Andy Reid must be managing the clock for Dana

5:44:
This is the part where we all text about time outs.

5:45:
Dana must think unused timeouts may be exchanged for Red Bull

5:45:
Joe D mustbe in charge of the timeouts.

5:45:
Dana and these damn timeouts.

5:46:
we now how five timeouts for the second half

5:46:
When you said Bowen put a coach in charge of timeouts, you didn’t say he took him away from WVU.

5:46:
gak

5:47:
School FG record is 6. Coming for YOU, Frank Nester.

5:51:
If the block FG is the worst that happens, this is pretty good work by special teams today. I was legit scared.

6:01:
A woman in my section peed her pants during homecoming announcement.  Seriously what is this world coming to??

6:10:
This defense has to catch an interception eventually, right?

6:21:
Wendell….intimidating

6:22:
So I was just thinking how the throws aren’t quite there for Clint today.

6:36:
This team needs to do better against Kansas than to put up just 3 more points than Texas did, for the love of Mack Brown.

6:37:
Bobby Bowden: best part of this broadcast

6:38:
This defense has to catch an interception eventually, right?

6:39:
Paging Joe Defore _ _

6:39:
Wouldn’t be a WVU game without a punt fumbled inside the Red Zone.

6:39:
Jordan Thompson muffed punt. Check.

6:39:
All the sad emojis.

6:41:
Special teams?  Really special!!!

6:42:

6:42:

If the block FG and a fumbled punt is the worst that  happens….

6:43:
Out of 85 scholarships surely someone knows how to field a punt!!!!

6:43:
Holy [sage] I just realized Dave Campo coaches for Kansas.

6:43:
“THE ARISTOCR–”
/Gets hooked off stage by No. 5

6:44:
How many [good] times does this special teams [bananas] have to happen until a change is made?

6:44:
Breaking News; Mario Alford is really fast. Film at 11.

6:45:
Kansas was like so many Goombas

6:46:
How many [good] times does this special teams [bananas] have to happen until they stop kicking to Mario Alford?

6:46:
Now it’s a wash???

6:47:
My [formidable] kingdom for DeFo to come to postgame in a WASH hat.

6:46:
7NA … Sigh. At least it came after special teams got off the field.

6:48:
Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike…they played 7NA AFTER a devastating WVU kickoff return touchdown!

6:49:
Mack will argue with your 40 time on that 94 yd kickoff return

6:56:
Has GAM been shut out for two consecutive quarters?

6:57:
Bama and Ole Miss tied with 2.5 min in 4th. Think we could just put that up on the big screen?

6:58:
I think its time the Tier 4 studios address the WVU student section and let ’em know how much they suck.

6:58:
Show ’em video of Iowa State’s fans.

6:59:
Sound the alarm.  I swear I just saw Clint with helmet hair.

7:05:
Squirt couldn’t catch ebola.

7:07:
Holgo letting Alford have it after that failed 4th and 1. Trickett gave a “don’t look at me” reaction and pointed towards Mario after it blew up.

7:09:
What’s Dana gonna do? He lost a T.O.

7:09:
At least he sort of used a timeout.

7:11:
Our section is having a discussion about Tier 4. Open bar? Open door policy? Appointment required?

7:11:
Is there a sofa for naps? Is there a putting green? Is there a dart board? We need a tour.

7:14:
If you’re opposing WVU, you have to ignore the running game bc at best it gets 8 yards on a carry. Hasn’t broken a big run yet.

7:24:
WVU morale victories/SoS claims just got carpet bombed in the span of 15 minutes

7:25:
Jordan finally nets return yardage. Problem is, he was running in the wrong direction.

7:26:
I attribute Bama and Oklahoma losses to Mountaineer Field’s playtime of 7NA.

7:27:
Charlie Weis getting fired has really hampered my TFGD creativity. I had 25 or so all you can eat buffet jokes mentally lined up….

7:29:
Skyler in the game…getting ya Breaking Bad jokes on deck b

7:30:
This is gonna be the most [bickered] about 20+ point win in history

7:32:
“Why’s he smiling about that (fumble)?! He’s supposed to be a professional!” – My 7 y.o.’s assessment of HCDH

7:34:
When did Jordan Thompson become a bad as a peg leg pirate? Hop scotch champ? Never seen someone hop so fast on one leg!

7:35:
Thompson hurt! Great, he’ll be out kicker now too.

7:36:
I feel like a Bama fan talking about how awful we are playing while winning.

7:37:
O’Toole is no McAfee.  Pat would’ve lit that guy up.

7:38:
I think we can now say that the DeForest special teams f— up bingo card has been officially crossed off.

7:38:
This is hysterical now. I’m not even mad. There’s no way they can defend this anymore. They will, but it’s useless.

7:39:
WVU: Scene of Kansas’ first punt return touchdown in 6 years……disgusting!

7:40:
Trickett to Howard: “Nice run for a first down, but your hair is messed up.”

7:42:
The in stadium words for country roads said “Growin’ like a breeze.” … Ummmmmm