Disclaimer: I am not @FakeBobHuggins. Nor am I @FauxCoachHolgs. This comes up more than you think. I think, across time, I’ve learned to be flattered by the insinuation. 

Oh, who says we’re short for material in late May? You? How dare you! I give you a post inviting thoughts about how Bob Huggins might use his final scholarship and get two comments. Would you feel more inspired if you knew that the real Fake Bob Huggins had emailed me to express his thoughts on what he will do with No. 13?

My commenters accept your challenge, Fake Mr. Huggins. The gauntlet is thrown, Mr. Miles and Mr. Millinghaus and Mr. Prospect At Large …

Date: Thu, 23 May 2013 14:07:35 -0400
From: Fake Bob Huggins <fake.bob.huggins@midvale.k12.ohio.us>
To: Mike Casazza <mikec@dailymailwv.com>
Subject: I’m way too busy at work for this but…

You know, it’s funny you mention this last scholarship, Mike. Sometimes when you find yourself with yet another scholarship, after yet another junior transfers, you gotta scour the JUCO and prep circuits, you know? It’s hard, man. It’s hard.

But let’s be honest, you can’t just be praying that a coach gets fired for lying about making impermissible phone calls and a top prospect suddenly becomes available. Seeing as nothing is hotter than a scholarship burning a hole in my pocket, I’m going to try something a little different for this last one.

I’m happy to announce here on your blog that I’ll be staging a ten-event contest where the winner gets the last scholarship. We’re calling it the Bob Huggins Remember The Miners Little General Fantasy Scholarship Decathlon and Fish Fry.

Event 1: Treadmill till I say stop – First to puke loses.

Event 2: Off the Bench Drill – I point. They run to check in. Quickest reaction time wins.

Event 3: Back to the Bench Drill – Forget to switch on a screen. Hear the whistle and subsequent buzzer sound. Sprint back to the bench. Quickest reaction time wins.

Event 4: Staring contest – I yell four inches from their face while theyturn they head to me but avoid eye contact. First one to look me in the eye loses.

Event 5: Box out Sweat – They’ll go against Noreen for 10 missed three pointers from Juwan. They must attempt to get a body on the slipperiest guy in the history of Minnesota from the Great Lakes state and grab the board. One with most rebounds wins.

Event 6: Count the bombs – They must listen to my halftime speech against Purdue and count the number of times I use the F word and how many times it was a verb, an adverb, an adjective, an interjection, or a noun (and once as a conjunction). Most correct responses wins.

Event 7: Help me pick out my outfit – I will give them three social situations where they must pick the most appropriate outfit for me to wear (coaching a game on national television, filming a commercial for the Big 12, fishing). Best selection of outfits wins.

Event 8: Spelling Bee – I will have them spell the first names of our current roster whose last names are Harris, Brown, Dickerson, and Murray. Most correct responses wins.

Event 9: #HuggsDrinkingGame – We’ll watch a replay of the Texas Tech Big 12 tournament game and play HuggsDrinkingGame. First one to pass out loses, and will get drawn on with Sharpie.

I actually need your help with a 10th event. Do you or your commenters have any good ideas?

PS: Next year, this will be televised by IMG but the bid won’t be secured by then. Would Tier 4 be interested?