Is anybody besides me worried about our leaders? I mean, they can’t even solve a debt crisis. What if they need to solve an actual crisis?
You know — like one with zombies or terminators!
We’re totally doomed.
Barack Obama and John Boehner wake up after a long night of negotiations and swiftly realize they’re the only ones still alive.
All around them is a zombie swarm.
They have to act quickly and decisively. Do they take the stairs or the elevator to safety?
Obama suggests stairs. Boehner will settle for nothing less than elevator. Obama thinks he’ll lose face if he takes the elevator. Boehner starts to walk away.
Zombies eat their brains.
Crisis on Infinite Earths:
A near-omnipotent being known as the Anti-Monitor tries to destroy the universe by racking up huge debt.
Earth’s heroes unite. Except they don’t.
Michele Bachmann contends that there is no Anti-Monitor, and even if there were, he wouldn’t hurt anyone.
Mitch McConnell suggests a battle strategy that involves racing really fast for a while, then taking a break plus counting earlier victories toward this victory. Everybody gets confused and says this is a gimmick. Mitch McConnell is totally out of breath from running and from explaining his plan.
Harry Reid suggests a battle strategy that is almost exactly like the plans that have been presented before, with the main difference being that it’s totally unacceptable to everyone.
The Earth explodes and dollar bills flutter through the air.
The Anti-Monitor raises taxes and destroys Social Security.
A ragtag band of humanity has survived a catastrophic financial attack by cyberkinetic beings known as Cylons.
Commander Boehner comes up with a plan to fight and run.
Lieutenant Cantor and his followers will agree to fight but will never agree to run.
Barack Obama, president of the Twelve Colonies,tries to get everybody to say “So say we all.”
The ship goes quiet. Everyone just stares.
Obama shrugs his shoulders and walks away.
The Cylons never have to do anything because the Battlestar Fiscal Responsibility just sits in space, not moving. Eventually, it just runs out of fuel.
Shape-shifting beings known as Skrulls invade the Earth.
The world’s leaders accuse each other of being Skrulls.
Everybody destroys everybody else.
In the end, Glenn Beck is revealed to be a Skrull.
He’s the only one who ever actually was one.