The PopCult Bookshelf
On the face of it, “A Grumpy Book” seems like it’s just another novelty tome, cranked out to cash in on a cute fad, in this case a popular internet meme. You might think that this book is just a harmless collection of goofy and funny spoofs on motivational posters starring that cute little miniature kitty that has the same kidney problem as Gary Coleman and that Webster kid. You might think that this book is a fun little artifact, just the thing to put a smile on your face…and nothing more.
That’s what they want you to think.
“A Grumpy Book” is actually a subversive call to arms, preparing for an international conspiracy to overthrow every government on the planet and enslave humanity. Who would want to do such a thing, you ask?
It’s not Big Oil, Big Pharma, Communists, Right-wingers, The Russians, The Chinese, the The Muslims, The Mormons, The Westboro Baptist Church or anyone you might immediately suspect.
“A Grumpy Book,” filled with people-hating bile and negativity, is the “Mein Kampf” of…the cat world.
You might think of cats as cute, cuddly little companions who just want to live with and love you.
Again…that’s what they want you to think.
THEY HATE US! Every fiber of their being is filled with contempt for all things human. If they had opposable thumbs we would all have been strangled in our sleep years ago.
Why then, would the seven secret cat bankers who rule the world even allow this book to be published? It’s simple. Are you familiar with the 1999 book “Fortunate Son: George W. Bush and the Making of an American President,” written by J.H. Hatfield?
Let me give you some quick background. This book came out during the election season and spewed forth allegations about then-candidate George W. Bush. It was very detailed and offered up many revelations about the Bush family, their ties to criminal and terror groups and George’s drug use and how the Bush family exerted influence to hide it. The book was mainly attributed to “unnamed sources” and was ignored by the mainstream press.
At least it was until the Bush family threatened to sue, and the author’s past came to light. He was a paroled felon who had tried to hire someone to kill his boss. His previously-published books included a puff-piece biography of Patrick Stewart, published by Scholastic Books. Unable to reveal his sources, his credibility was shredded, as was the credibility of every story in his book. Nobody would even bother trying to verify any of the claims in “Fortunate Son” after his past was exposed. The book was withdrawn. Hatfield was driven to suicide.
After his death, his new publisher came into possession of all of his notes, interviews and research, and, not being bound by any agreements with his subjects, revealed that his major source of all the dirt on the Bush family was Karl Rove, also known as “Bush’s Brain,” who was never punished for his role in this book.
He wouldn’t be, because his job was to find a source that could be easily discredited, so that he could spill the whole truth to him, and then turn around and destroy him, thus making all the very true allegations in the book look like silly conspiracy theories.
Clearly the cats have studied Karl Rove’s tactics. Hell, they might have even trained him. With the release of “A Grumpy Book,” the feline illuminati have defused a potential threat to their plan of world domination.
If you tell someone that cats all hate people and only let us live because we can use a can opener, they will tell you “Oh, you’ve been reading Grumpy Cat!”
If you point out that someone’s cat keeps destroying their favorite things, they’ll say “He’s just being a cat. He doesn’t know any better.”
When you show people photographic evidence that two of the people speaking out in opposition to the proposed cat control ordinances at the Charleston City Council meeting last week were actually cats wearing human suits…they will look you in the face and say you’re being silly!
Now, the negativity and anti-human bias of the Kitten Cabal is on full display for the world to see, and WE’RE LAUGHING AT IT! They’ve already won. We are their slaves. We house and feed them and take them to the doctor. We jump up when they want fed. We let them destroy our furniture.
What do we get in return? Affection? No. When you think that a cat is being all cuddly and loving…they just want to wipe their butts on you.
Why is this book being published now? Well, the cats need a diversion. For centuries they’ve been stealing the breath of babies so they can take it to their secret labs and process it into plagues and diseases. I have it on good authority that cats were actually behind the chemical attacks in Syria. They did this because they enjoy watching humans wage war and killing each other. They have nothing to lose in the matter. Nobody will agree to bomb cats.
Even this review/exposé won’t be taken seriously. Look at the source. Why am I allowed to write about this? It’s PopCult. I cover toys, cartoons, comic books, music, art…stuff like that. Most people will read this review and thinks it’s just a silly little humor piece.
We are doomed.