By Chris Slater
I went out on a date with a local woman recently. We met online and seemed to hit it off. Since moving to Charleston last year, it’s been difficult to meet people my own age with similar interests, so I thought this was going to be a good one. We met at The Red Carpet, a local watering hole, and are having a great time.
I’m in good form; wittier than normal and my charm factor had been turned up to 11. I was having a good hair day and she said she liked my beard. Things were going splendidly.
Then I ran into a friend. He’s not a bad guy, he’s just the other guy in this story. I invited him to hang out with us, and we started conversing. I went to buy the three of us a round of cinnamon-flavored whiskey, and I came back to see everything had changed.
Her body language had shifted. She was now facing him and laughing at all of his comments and asking him follow up questions to his points. And, I was just sitting there awkwardly.
She and I went back to my place, but by that point I knew there was nothing. After regaling her with the funny story about the time I hydroplaned and flipped my car over (it really is funny), I went in for a kiss. She turned her head and I basically rammed my lips into her cheek. I quipped, “It’s cool, I only brought you back here to kiss your cheek.” We both awkwardly laughed.
I dropped her off, and we said goodbye. It was awkward, but we both pretended like it wasn’t. Minutes later, I sent her a long text message about how much it hurt me that she basically stopped our date to hang out with another guy in front of me. I told her that if she wanted to keep talking to him, then she and I shouldn’t talk anymore. Breathing a nervous sigh of relief, I hit send. Her response was almost immediate:
“Okay. Thanks for understanding!”
I don’t know what I was expecting. An apology? Remorse? Something aside from elation? I mean, I certainly wasn’t expecting anything when she came back to my place. I’m not one of those guys.
I was just left with an odd feeling of wondering when did the dating world turn into that? We both swiped right on an app, so we decided to meet at a bar. And, I didn’t even get the courtesy of waiting until the date was over before she could tell me she wasn’t interested.
It seems like the trend is to treat people like they’re not humans with feelings and hearts. They’re just a picture on your phone. And, maybe you like this one. Maybe you like the other one. I’ll talk to this girl. I won’t talk to that guy.
When did the world get, for lack of a better word, so fake?
Usually, when people complain about my generation being on their phones all the time, I roll my eyes and ignore it. But, I feel like it’s turning some of us into numb, emotionless droids. Dating — creating a physical and mental bond with another person — isn’t something to do on a whim. I mean, I’m not a traditionalist by any means. One of my most fulfilling relationships is the polyamorous girl whose boyfriend knows that she sees me. I’m in no way a prude.
We need to distance ourselves from technology sometimes and remember that when we’re in the real world, we’re dealing with real people who have real emotions. I think it would make the world a better place.
• • •
Any suggestions on how to better navigate the online dating world? Have a story of your own to share? Think I need to get over myself and not worry about what happened? Let me know in the comments, send me a tweet or message me on Facebook.